Official Premiere Posting: Teenage Gluesniffin' 101 and Damp #2

UPFRONT SPIEL (to be reprinted in first coupla postings).

So, welcome to Teenage Gluesniffer, named in homage to two great songs and one great lost fanzine, which I only read in someone else's bedroom, as all good fanzines should be read.

This is a GROUP BLOG - if you want to join it, please drop me a line (you need a blogger account) - I'd love to have ya.

The mission is write about and scan in samples from your favorite saved fanzines, memorabilia of the past. Since my "past" is defined as spanning the years 1979 and on and in case you didn't catch on from the title, the focus is on the post-1979 American / UK punk-alternative-indie music scene but if you're into old lady's lingerie catalogs, then by all means, bring it on. The only constraint is you gotta write about it, talk about what you like, don't like, even try to make it funny and interesting (since I'm blog editor, I reserve the right to be a boring jackass, however).

Note that this is intended to be a "fair use" only site and not an archive nor do we want to infringe on copyright. As such, we accept no advertising or promos or swag or whatever. If you're the owner of one of these fanzines, tough, write insults in the comments section if you don't like it and maybe we'll just start an old-fashioned flame war or maybe I'll just drive to your home and set your lawn on fire, suburban bitchhole.

Please recommend some blogroll and links to put on the side here. Onto the first posting.

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DAMP 2 came from, as most fanzines do, a small town - South Millington, Connecticutt (a state which I manifestly refuse to learn how to spell on general principle - please rename it Cutt or something) - issue #2, already a newsprinty, 8 1/2" x 11", staple-binded 46 whopping pages is dated 1987. Editor Kevin Kraynick seemed mostly inspired, like many zines of the era, by Forced Exposure and its jazz editor Byron Coley- so much so that not only is Coley the subject of a two part interview, he's mentioned in the first sentence of the lead editorial and a letter Coley wrote is reprinted in full at the top of their "Letter Nook" section. Coley commends them for covering Mofungo in their first ish and suggests they also investigate the Blinding Headache / Information Nucleus family tree. Not that the guy who rediscovered so many forgotten artists and made the career for a many other deserving folk doesn't deserve his own fanzine, but should have just called this Coley Youth instead of Damp. But then come to think of it, they're pretty much the same thing.

The 'tude is mostly Too Smug in Suburbia or I Know Who The Residents Are, Do You? - here's Kraynick in his lead editorial moaning about people who live in big cities (read: Boston and NYC) and write fanzines full of band gossip:

"You people want to live in a goddamn stinking ant farm go right the fuck ahead, but I'd prefer to kick back here in Nowheresville and be left alone. I see all about all the shows I need to see by shagging my ass to Providence or New Haven every once in a while."

He then proceeds to relate all the latest band news and gossip from Boston and NYC (and The Residents).

The record reviews are 2nd-rate Coley - what they lack for in originality and innovativeness, they make up for in unintended artful mockery of his scatological 2nd-rate Melzter imitation. Here's what's reviewer Dead Bob writes about the Grateful Dead's uber-crap In The Dark album: "Following the pattern of the locust, these tour-crazedgestalt emissaries have shit out their first studio log in seven years. Holy bashoogi! About fucking time, I was starting to wonder if Jerry would die first." But you can't hate an acolyte for trying and Bob's Band Equation (reprinted below, page 44) more than make up for it.

Here's their acidic take on the long and properly forgotten Hugo Largo's Drum album:

"Currently standing trial on gange rape charges in Pasadena with tour mates the Beastie Boys. Former mosh monster who now prefer the "hip hop styles." Co-produced by Mumbles Stipe who helped write their tune "Second Skin" about the harrowing operation he recently underwent to have his foreskin reattached to his penis. I was tear-dropping for days"

There are more samples of record reviews on page 33 below. The interviews are kinda silly and true to fanzine form, overly long - they ask Snakehand what his favorite salad dressing is only because they want to hear the London-born guitarist say "Raunch, Raunch dressing" so I give them credit for that. An excruciating Zoogz Rift interview crowns the issue. But reading an artist, any artist, yammer and whine about how expensive it is to tour (yawn) and how he debates making his records more accessible with his label to get more radio play (double yawn) - well, you get the picture. Much more interesting is reading Zoogz talk about obsession with Frank Zappa who he calls a "father figure" and brags "cannot kiss Frank Zappa's ass enough" (he then proceeds to trash Zappa's latter period synclavier work) . If Zoogz wasn't a creepy enough guy for ya, he even frets over why Frank won't respond to his mail: "...he might resent my existence thinkin' to himself, 'Oh Christ, I could do alot better than that. This guy's being compared to me? This geek?'" Heh.

On the Internets, Damp 5 is remembered best as it was an all Beefheart issue and Beefheart fans pretty much own a small country in cyberspace. Here's a reprint of Kraynick's embarassing phone call to Don van Vliet
and United Mutations has a photo of Damp 5's cover. Well enjoy these page scans from Damp 2 and tell me if you like this blog. If Kevin or any of the staff writers are out there, please drop in some comments and let me know about your experience with Damp.